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â—‹ farewell
forgive me for being sudden but, this journal won't be updated anymore. eventually every entry with the exception of this one will be made private. i need a fresh start and this seems like a time that's as good as any. thank you for reading and commenting. thank you for sharing yourselves with me. normally i would link my new journal but i think i just need a small group that i've cultivated here already reading my words. if you've heard from me already then kindly disregard this message.
the reason i'm starting over is the same reason i always start over: i feel restricted. i feel so bound by aesthetics and not freaking anyone out that i feel as if i can't be as honest as i can be ; as genuine. i haven't lied to anyone or done anything nefarious here but i'd really just like it if i could start over in a new space without any expectations or shields to put up anymore. this isn't anyone in particular's fault by the way, it's just a defense mechanism i have set in place for a myriad of reasons.
anyway, the other reason is that i've grown tired of using video games, namely final fantasy, as an aesthetic. it's brought me all the satisfaction that it's needed to for over a decade. it's just time for a new way now. i'm getting older and while i will always hold the series dear to me, i also feel like it's just a mask to hide behind. does anyone really know me? is this the only way i can make my mark on the world? is this the only way i can relate? there's nothing wrong with having a persona but maybe i'm just tired of that now. maybe it doesn't have to be this specific thing anymore. maybe this is how i'll let myself ' grow up '.
apologies again for just suddenly leaving but i've been planning this for quite awhile. for several months at least. for all you astrology nerds: my 3rd and 6th houses are mutable. i can never stay in one place too long before i feel caged in and antsy. anyway. . .i'll probably be speaking more ab astrology and tarot more openly on my new journal. i also will speak on some minor drug use. i will be more open in general. i want to talk about gender and mental health too. just be more open period. i don't only want to update when i'm sad. that's a trap i've fallen into for many years now. doing this now is what's most freeing. it's just what has to be done.
i appreciate everyone who has been here with me for the past 2 years and beyond now. forgive me if we've only just met and i'm already cutting ties. there are some lovely people i've befriended but due to other things i really do feel like the smaller my circle is, the happier i will be. being on other social media like twitter for prolonged periods recently has opened my eyes to the fact that i'm not built to be a real presence on the ' open ' side of the internet. i'm too long-winded, too passionate, and quite frankly, just too real. i will always be grateful for this space and the people in it. i want to be myself more fully. i need more wiggle room.
i may be contacting more people from here but i just as well may not since ab half my list is no longer active.
thanks again.
may you forever walk in the light of the crystal.
the reason i'm starting over is the same reason i always start over: i feel restricted. i feel so bound by aesthetics and not freaking anyone out that i feel as if i can't be as honest as i can be ; as genuine. i haven't lied to anyone or done anything nefarious here but i'd really just like it if i could start over in a new space without any expectations or shields to put up anymore. this isn't anyone in particular's fault by the way, it's just a defense mechanism i have set in place for a myriad of reasons.
anyway, the other reason is that i've grown tired of using video games, namely final fantasy, as an aesthetic. it's brought me all the satisfaction that it's needed to for over a decade. it's just time for a new way now. i'm getting older and while i will always hold the series dear to me, i also feel like it's just a mask to hide behind. does anyone really know me? is this the only way i can make my mark on the world? is this the only way i can relate? there's nothing wrong with having a persona but maybe i'm just tired of that now. maybe it doesn't have to be this specific thing anymore. maybe this is how i'll let myself ' grow up '.
apologies again for just suddenly leaving but i've been planning this for quite awhile. for several months at least. for all you astrology nerds: my 3rd and 6th houses are mutable. i can never stay in one place too long before i feel caged in and antsy. anyway. . .i'll probably be speaking more ab astrology and tarot more openly on my new journal. i also will speak on some minor drug use. i will be more open in general. i want to talk about gender and mental health too. just be more open period. i don't only want to update when i'm sad. that's a trap i've fallen into for many years now. doing this now is what's most freeing. it's just what has to be done.
i appreciate everyone who has been here with me for the past 2 years and beyond now. forgive me if we've only just met and i'm already cutting ties. there are some lovely people i've befriended but due to other things i really do feel like the smaller my circle is, the happier i will be. being on other social media like twitter for prolonged periods recently has opened my eyes to the fact that i'm not built to be a real presence on the ' open ' side of the internet. i'm too long-winded, too passionate, and quite frankly, just too real. i will always be grateful for this space and the people in it. i want to be myself more fully. i need more wiggle room.
i may be contacting more people from here but i just as well may not since ab half my list is no longer active.
may you forever walk in the light of the crystal.